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Ruby

Ruby was a secret child. She was born in a faraway land no one has ever heard of where the king levies a tax on every child. Every child except Ruby, whose birth had never been recorded on the king's list of children.

I think that works as an alternate opening paragraph. That's what the old brain came up with. At long last. Jeez. I have more understanding of how the plot and character arc has to unfold than I do of the actual words. Not like me at all. Usually the words come streaming out and I have to trim them back like crazy and reorganize them into something that approaches coherent storytelling. Now that I've filled my toolbox with "stuff" I seem to be having a completely different set of problems.

In other news, we're off to the New England Aquarium and all the delightful penguins this afternoon.

Frog

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
dawtheminstrel
Aug. 13th, 2007 05:32 pm (UTC)
I always have a lot of trouble with the words. Cruddy dull vocabulary jumps out and runs all over my page.

I like that opening.
kelly_yoyo
Aug. 13th, 2007 06:00 pm (UTC)
It's intriguing. I'd get rid of "no one has ever heard of", though.
birdhousefrog
Aug. 13th, 2007 10:47 pm (UTC)
I might drop 'faraway' but 'no one has ever heard of' is stylistic for a fairy tale...but I'll see how it goes down in the end. I'm not 100% pleased with it yet, but it has the right feel.
baddolly
Aug. 13th, 2007 11:45 pm (UTC)
I agree with K about the "no one has ever heard of", just in case you're into the microcrits. :)
birdhousefrog
Aug. 14th, 2007 12:31 am (UTC)
Somehow this is making me more determined to keep it. I am soooo contrary.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )