I think that works as an alternate opening paragraph. That's what the old brain came up with. At long last. Jeez. I have more understanding of how the plot and character arc has to unfold than I do of the actual words. Not like me at all. Usually the words come streaming out and I have to trim them back like crazy and reorganize them into something that approaches coherent storytelling. Now that I've filled my toolbox with "stuff" I seem to be having a completely different set of problems.
In other news, we're off to the New England Aquarium and all the delightful penguins this afternoon.