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All Silliness Aside

Mouse King:

I am considering my Mouse King crits. I have taken out my oil crayons and doodled on several pages. I have some interesting free-form squiggles across my draft. Curvy and loopy. Might be a personal description. Never mind. I guess all the silliness isn't quite out of me yet.

I am considering trashing the first 9 pages, which, in retrospect, are pure narration and setup. Almost.

The Mouse King has asked me to consider telling the story from his POV instead of having an omniscient-narrator-as-character. I am pondering what the Royal Rodent could and could not know. I am weighing that yes, using the Mouse King as POV character might be a good way to show that my fairies are weirdos. Because a Mouse who's royalty is normal, right?

I have written a big orange oil crayon "D" where I think the story could have dialog instead of being told. Because I reread The Goose Girl and watched how dialog was used to break up the narration. I am refraining from spending my entire worktime rereading lots of fairy tales to see how dialog was used. See how disciplined I am.

I have consulted with The Grand Poobah (my mentor, at whose feet I sit, a mere grasshopper) and he/she/it has opined that nowadays readers of short stories expect more than a single linear story in the niche where I like to write. They want some complexity. So, my initial instinct to have two things going on at once was correct. But they have to converge properly.

Which brings me back to the issue of whether it's possible to tell the story from the Mouse King's perspective and still have the second storyline in place. It would have to be altered because it's currently given to the reader from the Fairy King's perspective. And the Mouse King can't be aware of the Fairy King's rather nefarious plot.

In other news, the chickens do a happy dance as does the Weatherdude. Because it's drizzling this morning and they like that. But we still broke the record for most consecutive days without rain.

Frog Out


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 19th, 2007 02:32 pm (UTC)
As you know, I like that story. Like it a lot. I thought it was clever and touching.
Oct. 19th, 2007 02:36 pm (UTC)
Were your comments electronic? I couldn't find them. Not by name. Unfortunately, lots of folks didn't put their name down. But I do remember you defended my use of "royal cousin" where others were confused by it.

Oct. 19th, 2007 03:13 pm (UTC)
They were electronic. I just emailed them to you. Let me know if they don't arrive.
Oct. 19th, 2007 04:12 pm (UTC)
Curvy and loopy! I love it, because I am that as well. You are my tribe.

I really liked that story, too. I remember that my big comment was that there was too much summary narrative, not enough scenes, and somehow I got somehow very excited at the idea of the Mouse King narrating, albeit from a distance of age and greater wisdom. I think you shoud play around with that.

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )