Staggering, clutching my chest, my side, whatever part of me has been mortally wounded. I have time to issue a long and boring soliloquy before I fall to the boards of the stage on which I'm merely a player. A few more convulsive kicks of my legs and I turn my head toward the audience and breathe my last.
Killed by a reader, I am. Not just any reader. The one that has a rapier capable of cutting prose to ribbons, the one with the skill to wield same without mercy.
I die, I die, look how I die.
Note to self:
Do not, in future, send stories to this particular reader when he/she/it has the time to fully focus on them and provide detailed comments. Unless your writing gets a lot better first.
Answers to questions:
Story stays with this particular POV in this version unless I have to trash it after rewrite. POV is correct for style adopted, but style adopted is ambitious and am I really up to it? I added that last part. Reader said that the POV style was buried under other crap that needed to be removed, which I hadn't thought it was.
Story starts as one person's story, ends as another's. Fix that. If a character hijacks a story, well, then it's going to be their story after all and you need to redraft for that so the reader doesn't get confused.
Too much worldbuilding going on. Kill your children. You may need that worldbuilding elsewhere, but not here.
To give credit where credit is due, this reader was looking at what I was attempting, not what they would do themselves. Which is an incredible skill to have. And I thought Taos was tough. Sheesh. Little did I know. Taos was a walk in the park by comparison. Now I'm expected to go rock-climbing possibly without the safety equipment.
It's a nice day and the chickens have been let out of their fencing. Walkabout will show up in the house in short order, demanding treats.